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30 May 2010 @ 03:05 pm
[PG] Don't Say Goodbye  
Re-posting for my bb, Kai ^____^

I'm sorry, it's written poorly like I said. XD I hope you don't get confused with the way this was written :] AND DON'T THINK IT'S THE SAME CHYNN OF HYUNGSHIK and Siwan LMAO I love that name. :))

And yes, the title is actually from DBSK's song. :>

written by: Naj


Kyuhyun, OC | One-Shot | Romance, Drama, Angst

We were deeply in love. But like most relationships, it came to an end.

Winter 2009…
It had been three years. And it’s already winter. Why should I be always thinking of a person who has left? I’ve been in this Music school for three years too, I should just focus on my career. But wait, who is that I see? No way, it couldn’t be her.

Winter 2006…
Kyuhyun: “There is nothing left to say. I want a breakup.”
Chynn: “Why all of a sudden? Kyuhyun, what did I do wrong?”
Kyuhyun: “It’s not you, it’s just me. I’m not happy anymore. I want it to be over.”
Chynn: “Liar! You told me I am your life. Now you’re not happy anymore? How could you be this cruel?”
Kyuhyun: “I don’t know, I just am. You’re free now, you could do anything you want. I’m sorry, but goodbye. Let’s not see each other again.”

That was the end.
It was the end.

Winter 2009…
I decided to continue my passion for music. I just came back from America, and I’m not sure if Korea is still going to accept me. But here I am now, facing a new life ahead of me. With music.

Music is our first language. We would sing to each other before. He would play the piano for me, sing his own original music just for me. He would always do that. Three years ago.

I do not know what’s happening. Why is Chynn in this Music school?

I do not know what’s ahead of me in this school. I am taking up a special class so I wouldn’t have to complete all 4 years. I just want to experience how it is to be officially studying Music.

Does she know I’m here too? No, she might even have forgotten about me. I could only hope.

As days passed…

I have met Kyuhyun again for the first time. He hasn’t changed. But he’s become more manly and handsome. *sigh* It’s always like that. And I just have to endure this feeling.

We’re even in the same class. I’m a coward, I couldn’t talk to her. I could sense that she still feels something for me. Our professor requested for her to sing a song in one of our classes. And it was the song I had been singing and playing to her before. She sang a few lines but said that she didn’t memorize the song anymore. But I stalked her to the piano room and heard her playing that same song. She even learned how to play it. I wonder how much she’d improved during her stay in America. It was three years after all.

More days passed…

I was unlucky enough to be paired up with him for the exhibition day. Why of all people, do I have to work with him? This is going to be too difficult.

Damn it. Now I really need to talk to her. But I couldn’t hide the fact that I felt a little happiness in me. It wouldn’t be too hard to approach her now. Ask how she had been these past three years. These three years.

It isn’t the best thing that happened to me. Kyuhyun is my first love. But we fell apart. I do not know whose fault it was. All I know, is that I cried that whole three years. And those three years weren’t enough. But the fact that seeing him once again once I go back to Korea motivated me from overcoming this weakness in me. I had to see him again. Even though his last words still echoed in my head for three years.

“Let’s not see each other again.” But I want to see you again.

Practice days…

I asked him a favour, alright. There’s this song I had been writing during my stay in America. I gave it a title “Farewell”. It’s not a happy song at all. Yes, it speaks of goodbye. All was for a good ending, with a final goodbye. And this is what I want to sing on the day of the exhibition.

The Farewell song didn’t sound so bad. She had been very good at composing now. America made her become a professional songwriter now. But why is the message goodbye? I don’t even know if she’s just trying to send me the message. But she reasoned out that she want it to be her final performance on that night.

More practice days…

She left her composition pad during one of our practices. And I had the urge to scan it. Only to see how much she’d improved. I have always been the one good at songs, she only sings. But now, she could even make good songs. I was curious.

But the only song written there is the one entitled Farewell. All the other pages were blank except for one which was torn in half. It didn’t look like a piece either. But I couldn’t make out the word written there, probably because the pencil ink already faded. I didn’t focus on the page anymore. Because there was something more I should have known. As I picked up the composition pad, two photos dropped on the floor. One was a solo photo of her. She didn’t look too happy, in fact she was pale, perhaps not wearing makeup, and her eyes just focused on the camera. She is still beautiful even with that expression. I saw the sweet Chynn in her eyes, even without her smile. She was still the same old Chynn. Only except now that she wore more makeup, and it was very unlike her before. But the next photograph put me in my right place. There she was, smiling unlike in the first photo, beside a young man who could only be in his 20s. He was in white and looked very formal and matured enough. It’s not her brother. I know her brother. It’s someone she must have met during her stay in America. Someone who took care of her there, someone who took my place in loving her. I couldn’t look at the picture more. I hastily put back the photo in between the pages of the composition pad. But I decided to keep her solo picture. I just had the feeling that I need to keep it. I returned her pad to her locker without telling her I did. She doesn’t need to know.

Counting days that passed…

I lost a picture. It was just inserted in my composition pad, but I misplaced it and someone returned it to me anonymously. But the picture is already missing. It might have dropped off somewhere, but I couldn’t find it anymore. Why did I even put it in there?

We’ve been practicing very formally every day. Like we couldn’t even talk about anything else. She keeps on saying she has lots of things to do so we had to rush things up. But today is different. We were able to talk to each other for awhile.

Kyuhyun: “How are you, by the way?”
Chynn: “I’m doing fine. How about you?”
Kyuhyun: “Yes, doing fine too.”

Chynn: “During…”
I was about to ask about the three years we spent separately. But good thing someone cut me off. Until I realized it wasn’t a good thing, or should I say, she wasn’t.

She was asking me something when this girl suddenly popped out of nowhere inside the rehearsal room. She’s been a classmate of mine for three years. And to be honest, she had been showing interest in me all these years.

She wasn’t ugly at all. In fact, she’s pretty. Only a little aggressive. She immediately went to Kyuhyun’s side and talked to him mischievously. I guess… Well, I do not need to guess. After she left, I plucked up my courage to ask him.

Chynn: “Girlfriend?”

Why is she suddenly interested in that? Well, that girl likes me so, I guess it wouldn’t be too bad to say…
Kyuhyun: “Well, yea, something like that.”
Chynn: “Oh. Ahh.”

She didn’t even show a weird reaction or anything. Maybe it was a wrong move after all. But I should stick to it.

Why did that have to sound so disturbing? Of course, the three years hadn’t been enough for my tears. There are still lots of them left unshed, but I couldn’t do that now. I’ve been prepared for this after all. It’s not like I came back just to get back to him.

Counting more days that passed…

We had more time to talk to each other. We didn’t just say “How are you?”s anymore. It’s more of a talking time, really.

Kyuhyun: “Why did you pick this song, Farewell?” We sat casually on the corner of the room.
Chynn: “It’s just the first composition I made, so I really want to sing it one day.”
Kyuhyun: “But what’s with the message of the song? It doesn’t look like you were that suicidal when you wrote it?” I joked.
Chynn: “What do you mean?”
Kyuhyun: “Well, uh. How’s your boyfriend anyway?” I tried bringing that topic up.
Chynn: “Boyfriend?”
She sounded like she doesn’t know anything. Ah, what is this girl trying to do?
Kyuhyun: “Well, I accidentally saw a picture of you with him in your composition pad one day.”
I was alarmed. He saw it. But how? When? The same day the picture was missing? Should I ask him if he’d seen it? No, I shouldn’t, yet. What if it’s not with him? I’ll ask him next time.
Chynn: “Oh that.” I just smiled.

More days passed during Winter…

It’s getting too cold now. I’ve been catching colds from time to time. I feel my body weaken at times too. It shouldn’t be like this. I must prepare for the exhibition.

I noticed she’d been falling sick from time to time. So we had to skip rehearsals sometimes too. That means I cannot see her during those times, and I’m not happy about that. I should tell her to take care of herself.

After a long practice day…

Kyuhyun: “The snow outside is getting too thick. I don’t think you could drive yourself to your house.”
Chynn: “I’m not sure too.” My head aches. It’s too cold.
Kyuhyun: “I should just drive you home for today, agree?”
Chynn: “Why not?” I couldn’t think steadily.
I picked up my composition pad and it suddenly slipped from my hand. The picture in it separated itself from the pad.
Kyuhyun: “Oh, here it is.”
He picked it up. I suddenly remembered the missing one. I should ask him now.
Chynn: “Kyuhyun.” He was handing the photo back to me.
Kyuhyun: “Hm?”
Chynn: “Have you seen another photo with this before?”
Kyuhyun: “Why?”
Chynn: “Have you?”
Kyuhyun: “Yea.”
Chynn: “Where is it now?”
Kyuhyun: “I’m not sure. I think I have it, but I don’t have it now. Is it that precious?”
Chynn: “Yes. Can you give it back to me?”
Kyuhyun: “Well, sure. I’ll look for it at home.” Of course I have it. It’s with me now. But I don’t know why she’s so worried about it, I just want to keep it for now. I gave back the pad to her. But it slipped from her hand again. The third time I gave it to her, it slipped once more.
Kyuhyun: “Ah, are you playing with me?” But when I looked at her, her eyes were terrified. What happened?
Chynn: “Could… you hold it… for me…first please. And… take me… home.”
She was stuttering. I haven’t seen her look like this. We walked to the car silently, she wasn’t even uttering a single word.

When we got into her house, she held out her door key, her hands were shaking. She asked me to open the door. She was a little weird then.

Why is it happening now? What is happening? I called the housemaid immediately and asked her to call someone for me.
Chynn: “You could leave now.”
She’s telling me to leave just like that after I drove her through all the thick snow.
Kyuhyun: “Why?”
Chynn: “Just go.” And with that forceful voice, I felt my head seared with so much pain. My eyesight was going black.

Chynn: “I’m so cold.” I was whispering from my closed eyelids.
Kyuhyun: “Chynn. You’re wrapped in a bundle of thick blankets.” I’m very worried. The weather made her so sick.
At the sound of his voice, I opened my eyes. It was a shocking expression, that’s what I showed unconsciously.
Chynn: “You should go now.” With much force.
Kyuhyun: “What are you talking about?”
Chynn: “Please just go. NOW! GET OUT!”

And then the guards were pushing me to the gates now. I do not know what’s happening. I don’t understand. Until someone caught my eye. From the gates where I was being pushed to, a familiar man entered hurriedly. He was carrying a bag, he was in white. He looked very familiar. Indeed I have seen him already.

Until it hit me, it’s her boyfriend. The guy in the picture. Only that he doesn’t seem like the boyfriend now. He looked more matured in real life. He was hurrying to the door, running next to him was Chynn’s brother. I do not understand. And then, one of the housemaids called him.

“Dr. Alex!”

Dr. Alex. Who is he? A doctor? I looked as confused as ever. I couldn’t move from where I was standing. What is happening to Chynn inside?
And then. I realized that Chynn’s brother is right in front of me. His face was full of fear and apology. It wasn’t the same face who faced me three years ago.

Winter 2006…
Brother: “I’m sorry Kyuhyun. I do not want to do this, but it will be better if you knew about this before it happens.”
Kyuhyun: “What is it, hyung?”
Borther: “Chynn is leaving for America.”
Kyuhyun: “What? When? She didn’t mention anything about it to me.”
Brother: “I know. She’s finding it difficult to relay the news to you, so she decided to do it on the day itself. Before she leaves.”
Kyuhyun: “Why so sudden? What for?”
Brother: “She’s coming to America to pursue her dream. She wants to study Music and do good there. She doesn’t really know what to do, but it seems like she chose her dream over you. I’m sorry, but it’d be better if I tell you earlier.”
Kyuhyun: “Pursue her dream? But isn’t she pursuing her dream with me? Why is she leaving me?”
Brother: “It’s been hard for her too. But please, take it to consideration. Make it easy for her to leave. She’s finding it so hard to tell you, so I ask for your help to just let her go.”
Kyuhyun: “I don’t understand.”
Brother: “Please do. Promise me, that you’ll not make it hard for her. Please. Promise me.”
Kyuhyun: “If this will make her happy.” I broke into silent sobs inside me. “Then I promise.”

That is why I broke up with her. It wasn’t the best idea but she left immediately after that. Maybe I really helped her to leave that easily. Even though I was left broken into pieces all those years. But wasn’t she there to study Music? What happened?

I got home without realizing I was already in my room. My mind is so full I couldn’t think straight anymore. I took out her picture from my wallet. Her gloomy expression didn’t hide her hopeful eyes. What is happening? I recalled my conversation with Chynn’s brother today.

Brother: “I’m sorry. I lied to you. I beg for your forgiveness. But Chynn is in danger.”
Kyuhyun: “What happened?”
Brother: “That time when I told you she had to leave to study Music, it was all fake. It wasn’t true. She didn’t choose her dream over you.”
Kyuhyun: “Then what?” The heartache I felt for these three years, it’s like everything had been on replay. I’m feeling worse.
Brother: “The truth is that she’s been sick all this time. All these years she had a very serious disease. She doesn’t want to tell you about it. And she couldn’t leave for medication because she couldn’t leave you. Three years ago, her symptoms were getting worse. We decided to take her to America to the best doctor we could ever find. But she couldn’t leave you. She wants to stay only by your side. That’s why I had to lie to you. To make her feel you do not need her anymore. So she could leave you even though she doesn’t want to. Kyuhyun, you must know how hard it was for me too. I couldn’t stand seeing her suffer being away from you, but I couldn’t just risk her life. I had to do it. Please forgive me. Also, you should know that all those years she only had you in mind. You had been her motivation every day. She said she wants to see you again soon. So she really worked hard to recover.”
I couldn’t speak. I can’t find my lips anymore. Why is this happening? I only hurt her. But I understand hyung. It’s also for her. But what did I do? I left her alone, fighting. But in the midst of it, I found myself again.
Kyuhyun: “Then how is she now?” This time, hyung cried in front of me. I couldn’t help it too, my tears fell without any warning.
Brother: “Doctor said she’s getting worse. All those three years, it was just to make her feel better. Just to extend her days in this world. But he said there’s no more we could do to stop the disease. She will have to take a good rest soon. And in the end, we wouldn’t succeed.”
It was the most heartbreaking thing I had ever heard. Despite the fact that we lost each other for three years. But this is more, much much more painful. Why does it have to happen?
Kyuhyun: “Is there nothing else we could do?” He simply shook his head while tears pour like river from his eyes. I felt myself float in a bubble. Like I left the world. Like I do not exist in this world anymore. I do not want to exist anymore.

Tears fell on the photo I’m staring at. Before I left, Chynn was sent to the hospital. That is why she left for three years. That is why she had to leave. That is why she wore more makeup now. That is why she’s writing the Farewell song. That is why she looks unhappy in this photo. I should have known. I was an idiot. I wiped away the tears from her face on the photo. Until one of the sides split from a thick paper. I noticed that the picture had a thick paper at the back. I tore it away slowly from the picture. Behind it, it revealed a neat writing.

Kyuhyun-ah, remember me.
I love you.

It broke my heart even more. This is why she worried about the picture too much. This is what’s been happening. Is there anything else I do not know yet?

The next days…

As what Chynn’s brother asked me, I didn’t tell her I knew about her condition yet. It might just upset her, so I had to pretend like everything’s normal. And she didn’t remember anything, so she pretended like everything’s normal too. Inside me, everything was burning.

He’s been acting too weird today. But anyway, I must focus. The exhibition is getting near.

Kyuhyun: “Can we talk?”
Chynn: “Hm.”
Kyuhyun: “Tell me why you wrote this song again.”
Chynn: “I said because it’s my first piece.”
Kyuhyun: “Then why this song?”
Chynn: “Because it’s my first piece!”
Kyuhyun: “Why write farewell? Why not ‘Live’?” This time, she must have seen my point.
Chynn: “Why?”
Kyuhyun: “Then what is this?” The anger that I had for myself burst. I am so frustrated. I threw the photo on the piano. The words with the elegant handwriting shone from the sunshine coming from the window.
Chynn: “You knew?”
Her voice was breaking as she stared at the photo.
Kyuhyun: “Yes. I only found out about it now. WHY? Why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t you tell me before you left? Why didn’t you stop me and yell at me and tell me I was a complete idiot? Why didn’t you tell me you needed me? Why didn’t you tell me when you got back? WHY UNTIL NOW YOU DIDN’T SAY A THING?” A tear fell from her eye.
Chynn: “It’s you who told me let’s not run into each other anymore.”
At that point, I wanted to die. Of all the things she could have remembered, she remembered the greatest lie I had ever said.
Chynn: “I wasn’t expecting to meet you too soon. That picture, is for you when I leave. When I… go to rest.”
Her words are killing me. She is crying now.
Chynn: “You don’t know how much I want to see you. But I couldn’t. I had to be fully recovered. But it wasn’t going to happen.” I cried more.
I was crying too.
Chynn: “I didn’t know why you wanted t breakup with me. But I struggled so hard to fight back. So I could go see you again. But everything is unfair.”
I couldn’t tell her why I had to break up with her. It’s all going to be upsetting, and I had done too much to upset her already.
Chynn: “Please. Let me sing this final goodbye on the exhibition day.”
She pleaded. No, I cannot do it. I cannot witness her doing this final goodbye. She doesn’t have to give up, yet.
Chynn: “Please.”
Kyuhyun: “No. I’m sorry, but I can’t.” And I left.

The exhibition day…
Kyuhyun didn’t see me anymore after that. I do not want to think of his reason. I decided to continue with my song. I found a good pianist for my piece. I must admit it’s not the same with Kyuhyun playing, but I don’t have any choice. All this hurt, it would all disappear when my day comes.

My brother told me everything too. I could not blame Kyuhyun for breaking up with me now. But I regret all the lost time that we had. Again, I could do nothing about it.

The performance is about to start. I went up the stage with my best look. This is for my final goodbye. But the person I want to say goodbye to the most is not here. But wherever he is, I hope he’d be happy.

The music started. Farewell. This is my song. My first and final song. For Kyuhyun.

Until someone was singing. It wasn’t me. Someone else. I looked behind me and Kyuhyun was there. He was singing. Singing with my favourite voice. But the song, this is not the lyrics that I wrote. He was singing so passionately that I couldn’t help tearing. These lines, they’re all saying “Live more. Don’t give up. Continue fighting.” Did he…

Kyuhyun: “You were good at making the song. I had a hard time changing the lyrics for days.”
He whispered to me.
Kyuhyun: “Chynn, live today until forever. I won’t ever leave you. I will live with you. Keep fighting.” This isn’t what I only want to say.
Chynn: “Kyuhyun.” I cried silently.
Kyuhyun: “I love you.” I said it with all my heart. “Promise me that you’ll continue living. You’ll keep on fighting. Promise me.”
Chynn: “I promise.”
I smiled. It was again the first time I am saying this to her. But it has never disappeared. I have loved her all this time.
Chynn: “I love you too.”

We spent the whole night together. We didn’t talk much. All we did was stay at each other’s side, never letting go of the promise. I was the happiest man on earth.
Chynn: “Kyuhyun-ah…”
Kyuhyun: “Hm?”
Chynn: “Remember me.”
I smiled.
Chynn: “I love you.”
Kyuhyun: “I love you too.” I kissed her forehead.

And with that said, God took her with Him to a place where it’s peaceful and calm. I could only pray.

Posted HERE @ sj-world.net

Current Location: sad endings are always blah
Current Mood: anxiousanxious
Current Music: Don't Say Goodbye
lee_eunhae on May 30th, 2010 12:03 pm (UTC)
hay omg you killed her T____________T kyu must be so sad eh!! T_T </3 this is beautiful but omg she died!!!!!! D: -kai.